Welcome back. We now continue
our coverage of the terrible aftermath
of Barack Obama's victory which has left
Obama supporters across the nation
with nothing to talk about.
For an update, let's go to
Jane Carmichael, Jane.
Thanks Andrea.
For the past year and a half,
thousands of Obama’s
most obsessive supporters
have devoted their every waking moment
to the Obama campaign.
Last night they were celebrating
his victory, but today they woke up
to the cold realisation that they have
nothing to fill their pathetically empty lives.
This is Peter Kendly. For months he has talked
about nothing but Barack Obama.
Turning unrelated conversations
in coffee shops, bars and elevators,
into discussions about
the democratic candidate’s vision for America.
This morning Kendly’s roommate
found him in an almost comatose state.
-Up until yesterday he was so annoying
and I wanted to kill him,
now I just want
my old condescending
Obama-obsessed friend back.
Experts say some voter’s fixation
with the Obama campaign ran so deep,
they’ve lost the ability to process
non-Obama related information.
Across the country today, authorities
are reporting throngs of Obama supporters
wandering without direction
or purpose in streets and parks.
We’ve been here all day,
I tried to reason with them…
They just keep telling me to
check out some new Obama video
on some Obama blog or something.
Many seem unable to understand
that the campaign has ended.
You don’t want to regret not voting,
you want to make sure paperwork is in on time,
and that you are registered
in the state and that you want to vote in.
We are not going to rest,
we are not going to do anything
until Barack Obama is the next President
of the United States.
We are full steam ahead until election day.
Jane, it just looks devastating out there.
-Yes. –Who will take care of these people?
We really don’t know. Many have
already driven away their friends and families
with months of endless praise
for Obama’s latest speech,
and constant reminders to vote.
-That does sound annoying.
Clearly they have no friends,
nothing to live for.
Right. What about Obama,
do you think he’ll help these people?
No, absolutely not. –Really?
-In fact, Obama has said that
he finds these supporters
"so irritating I can't even deal with it”.
Do you see an end to all of this, Jane?
-Well, you know, Andrea,
I think a lot of people just hope
these people will die.
I think you're right.
-But, you know, worst case scenario
is that someone with evil intent
seizes control of them.
Sure. –They’ve proven
their minds can be taken over
by empty rhetoric.
-So if someone would have come up
with a catch phrase as simple and vague as
"Yes we can”... –Oh, awful. They would have
an entire army of extremely energetic,
insufferably annoying mindless pawns
at their command.
-OK, well we are going to be praying
that that does not happen. Thank you Jane.
-Sure, thank you.
Later in the hour we’ll tell you
how to spot and avoid
an Obama supporter by looking for clues
on their messenger bag.
And in other election news,
the nation is preparing for an onslaught
of an obnoxious kids named Barack.
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