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Courageous E-mail To Boss In Drafts Folder Since December

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Brent Quigley considered sending the e-mail, clicking and holding his mouse arrow over the "Send" icon, but ultimately dragged it away. more

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    • Sunday Magazine

      We Falsely Accuse Shia Lebeouf Of Statutory Rape

      More Magazines

      07.25.2008

    • TV Listings

      Live With Regis And Kelly

      ABC

      9 a.m. EDT/8 a.m. CDT

      Kelly has to cover up for Regis after he lets the n-word slip 47 times.

      07.24.2008

    • From the Print Edition

      Choked Bat

      Placido Polanco Chokes Up All The Way

      07.24.2008

    • Corrections

      In a previous issue, The Onion spelled the word "possession" with two sets of double s's, which is apparently correct but just doesn't seem right. So let's go with "possesion."

      07.23.2008

    • Astrology

      0

      Your Horoscope
      July 22, 2008

      07.22.2008

    • Stockwatch

      Pfizer

      Shares jumped following the announcement that researchers had developed a drug that does nothing other than cause addiction.

      07.22.2008

    • From the Print Edition

      Bob Barker

      Unemployed Bob Barker Spends Morning Watching 'Price Is Right'

      07.22.2008

    • Editorial Cartoon

      Busch

      Editorial Cartoon
      July 21, 2008

      07.21.2008

    • Perry Philadelphia La Jolla

      National News Highlights

      United States Map

      Roll over locations for news

      • PERRY, FL—Residents solemnly marked the third anniversary of the tragic "Drive To Take Back The Bike Lane."
      • PHILADELPHIA—Since the beginning of last night's sexual encounter, Bruce Pierson has heard "Fuck me like a cop, not a lawyer" so many times that it's begun to lose its meaning.
      • LA JOLLA, CA7—After spending the morning counting his money, Fred Cadwell, 82, is going to eat lunch and then count it again.

      07.21.2008

    • Unsung Heroes

      Hayden

      Four- year-old Hayden Kirschner threw an unprompted tantrum in the middle of Sephora, saving his mother $35 on an eyeliner she didn't need.

      07.20.2008

    • Letters to the Editor

      Dear The Onion,

      It's about time your paper had a jingle. How about this? "Read The Onion every day!" Let me know if you want to hear the music.

      —H. Lopez, Newfolden, MN

      07.19.2008

    • Unsung Heroes

      Becky

      Becky Esch volunteered to plan the burlap olympics portion of her 20-year reunion even though she wasn't an athlete in high school.

      07.19.2008

    • TV Listings

      Disney World Secrets

      Travel

      6 p.m. EDT/5 p.m. CDT

      Experts help plan your next vacation to Disney World with helpful tips like where to get cheap eats and how to find all the hidden swastikas.

      07.18.2008

    • Sunday Magazine

      Unsuccessful 20 Years Old You Don't Need To Be Jealous Of

      More Magazines

      07.18.2008

    • TV Listings

      Smiling Strangers

      ABC

      9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT

      The threats and beatings they receive on the streets of major American cities.

      07.17.2008

    • From the Print Edition

      Angry Jim Leyland's Mustache Keeps Falling Off While Yelling At Team

      Angry Jim Leyland's Mustache Keeps Falling Off While Yelling At Team

      07.17.2008

    • Letters to the Editor

      Dear The Onion,

      I like to tell my wife that she's a four-star chef, but I'm not sure if that's accurate. Would you mind sending your restaurant critic over to our apartment this Tuesday?

      —Jason Icerman, Gainesville, FL

      07.16.2008

    • Stockwatch

      NEWH

      Stock prices began rebounding from record lows after 150 years, as whale oil once again became an affordable energy source.

      07.15.2008

    Issue Highlights

    • Water Park Unveils New 'Ambitious River'

    • Report: Every Goddamn Light In The House On

    • Single Mother Asked Where Daddies Come From

    • McCain Loses Campaign Trail In North Dakota

    Personal of the Day